posted 22nd November 2023
The Crucial Role of Compromise in Divorce Settlements
Most people arrive at a divorce settlement with a figure in mind and a sense of what they are owed. Very few of them end up with exactly that, and the ones who insist on it usually pay more for the privilege than the difference was worth.
What compromise actually buys you
- A settlement in weeks rather than months or years
- Fixed costs rather than fees that climb with every disagreement
- Terms both parties chose rather than terms decided by a Judge
- A working relationship afterwards, which matters where there are children
The alternative is a contested application. It commonly costs £20,000 to £30,000 for each party, takes months and ends with someone who has never met you deciding how your finances are divided.
Where couples usually get stuck
In practice it is rarely the whole settlement. It is one or two points:
- The value of the house, where each party has a different figure in mind
- Whether one party should be compensated for a deposit they put in years ago
- Spousal maintenance — how much, for how long
- A pension that one party does not want touched
Each of these feels like a matter of principle. Most of them come down to a sum of money that is smaller than the cost of arguing about it.
Separating what matters from what stings
The useful question is not who was right. It is what each party actually needs going forward — somewhere to live, enough to live on, security in retirement.
Positions taken out of anger tend not to survive that question. Positions based on need usually do, and they are the ones a settlement can be built around.
Compromise is not capitulation
Agreeing terms does not mean accepting whatever is offered. A settlement has to be fair enough that the court will approve it, and an agreement that leaves one party unable to meet their needs is unlikely to get through.
What it means is deciding which points are worth holding and letting the others go.
Where a negotiator comes in
Both parties talking directly often works until it does not. When it stops working, a neutral third party keeps the discussion on the issues rather than the history.
That is what we do. One negotiator working for both parties, fixed fees quoted before you start, ending with a consent order approved by the court.
If you would like to talk it through, get in touch for a free initial consultation.
